I don’t need to lose weight.
06 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
I refuse to let a scale tell me my value.
I refuse to let my soul turn towards food for comfort.
I refuse to live a life that doesn’t point to God.
Over the past month or so, I have been at war with my adolatrous heart. At this point in my life, it really shows up in my relationship with food. My last blog addressed that already though, so I am going to move on.
As I have been battling it, I have won some, lost some, completely forgotten what I was fighting against and for, and found fresh righteous anger toward it. That road has lead me to this conclusion:
I do not need to pass up the candy to lose weight. I do not need to workout like crazy so I can fit into my size 2 jeans. I do not need to drink 50 glasses of water a day because the weight loss website told me too.
I need to submit my meals and food to God so that He may be glorified through it.
There have been several different ”fad diets” that I have participated in through the years, but they all had the same goal:
Get skinny.
They may have had some slogan that mentioned healthyness, but in my own heart I did them so I could get skinnier, sexier, and get some attention. It was all about my own vanity. Most of the diets would work for a season. I can be a very self-disciplined person when I need to be. I would lose weight, get attention, and be happy.
That is how it works isn’t it? Our happiness is always on the other side of the 10/15/20 pounds we have to lose.
And I would be happy… Until something happened that pushed me back into that delicious brownie’s arms once again. Then I would blow up and gain all of the weight I lost and more on top of that.
Food was never ment to sustain our hearts. It doesn’t matter how much we eat, we will always want more.
I have been eating healthy, but with a different mindset. I want to eat healthy to GLORIFY God, not to get skinny.
There is a HUGE monumental difference with these 2 perspectives. If we submit our food and eating habits to God, HE gets the glory when we chose the salad over the hamburger. NOT ourselves. We do it to get closer to God, not closer to the size 5s.
For me, that perspective has made all the difference. : )
Honesty
18 May 2011 1 Comment
Hi. My name is Dijon Russell and I have an unhealthy relationship with food.
They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step right??? Well then, I admit it.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved food. I have ran to food for comfort, let it call my name, let it make me feel satisfied, and dictate my decisions. With food, I have eaten away my sorrows, celebrated numerous occasions, and used it to ‘entertain’ me when I got bored. I have also ‘rewarded’ myself with an ungodly amount of sugar.
I am the girl whose weight fluctuates up and down as I submit to -yet another- diet trend.
Right now, I am actually at my heaviest weight -except for when I was preggo with my baby girl 6 months ago- and to be honest, I am so thankful for that. I know, I know… you think I’m crazy.
Here’s the deal: My unhealthy relationship with food is a symptom of my sick and sinful heart and I have been treating it like the disease. Unfortunately, last time I checked, you cant cure the flu by simply blowing your nose. Although, you probably have a better chance of accomplishing that than you do healing your heart by refining your actions.
All I have been doing for YEARS is trying to treat the symptom.
“If I could just get THESE diet pills, they will make all the difference!” “If I just put another hormone in my body, then I will lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks!” “That workout video is ALL I need and I can get to my goal weight!”
It’s exhausting isn’t it???? Trying to fit yourself into the mold that the media has shaped for you is EXHAUSTING.
I can’t help but ask myself why we do it… but that is another blog for another day. Now, back to the matter at hand.
I am 24 years old and have been actively walking with God for about 8 years now. He has opened up my eyes to see my adulterous heart and I am SO thankful for that. This blog is uncomfortable for me to write, but the Word says that we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
I figured that my pride taking a hit is worth another person’s freedom… so here is some of my dirt.
For the last 5 days or so, I have been fasting. I usually don’t like to share these things, but I feel like it is necessary. I am not eating anything that doesn’t add nutritious value to my body. I am not using any sauces or spices because I want to take the excitement out of food. If I can get rid of the excitement then I can get rid of the emotional attachment.
Don’t get me wrong, God created food for us to enjoy it! The problem is that my praise ended with the food and did not go to the God who made it. That, ladies and gentleman, is adultry and I am pro at that. As much as it grieves my heart to admit that, it’s true.
Now that I am aware of it, I am at war with it.
I am really surprised at how faithful God has been to me in this fast. That is dumb too. It kind of shows that I don’t believe God is who He says He is. Oh man… good thing He loves me because I am a mess. A bundle of hot mess.
Anyway, He has really taken alot of the desire I had for food away and it is so neat. For example, yesterday was my nephew’s birthday party at Chuck E Cheese and normally I would be more excited about the pizza than seeing my family, but I wasn’t! It surprised me in a good way.
I also have not had any ketchup in almost a week. If you know anything about me then you know that in itself is a miracle. Dude, I usually plan my meals around condiments and sauces. Yea… its THAT bad.
Anyway, by laying this issue before God and submitting to Him, my heart is being changed and therefore my actions are changing!
So, to end this entry, I would like to encourage you to not just address the symptoms in your life. Address the diseases.
Grasping.
23 Mar 2011 Leave a Comment
Very often in my life, I find myself grasping for fulfillment. I turn to shopping, food, and almost anything else I can get my hands on instead of God. It really is dumb. I KNOW that after I finish my late night snack of a burrito (gross) that I will be no more fulfilled then when I started. I KNOW that. Like a dog returns to it’s vomit, so a fool returns to his folly.
When I seek God FIRST, everything falls into place. Even my unreliable emotions. I find myself desiring to seek Him, desiring healthy food, desiring to work out… even desiring to clean my house!
Why is my soul so bent on grasping idols???
I have been reading about the Israelites and as much as I hate to admit it, I am so much like that stiff-necked people. I mean, Moses was only gone for 40 days on the mountain and they asked Aaron to make them something to worship. A calf. As much as I want (and do) make fun of that, how stupid is it that I reach out to a burrito for fulfillment. Now I am one step closer to a clogged artery and 1 step further from the One who made me.
Stupid.
I want to be AT WAR with my sin. Sometimes I am just passive with it and I REFUSE to be that anymore. I know I will have off days, but I HAVE to turn to God first! It seems like I have these seasons where everything is on point… I feel God like crazy, my prayer time is awesome, and life is all around good.
Then there are other seasons where I am just grasping. That is the best word I can think of to describe it. My soul just gets unsatisfied and hungry. In those seasons I need to seek God with all my heart. I need to make sure that my hope is in Him alone.
And He is so incredibly sweet to me…
I am so thankful that He refuses to let me find fulfillment in anything but Him. I am also thankful for His discipline.
My biggest fear is that He would just let me do my thing and be rebellious and do nothing. I would rather Him let my world crash around me.
The passive wrath of God is terrifying.
For today, I find comfort in the fact that He won’t let me settle… however uncomfortable that may be.
